Are you trying to decide if you want to do a first look or not? This decision is the one decision you will make on your wedding day that will influence the rest of your wedding timeline and photos. And ultimately, you are the one who should be making this choice. Not your parents, not your photographer, but you and your future spouse. so let’s talk about it!
What is a First Look?
Let’s start with defining what a first look is. Simply put, it’s a moment on your wedding day that you and your partner see each other for the first time. This can be done prior to the ceremony, or can be done as you walk down the aisle. For some people, they want that magical moment when the Church doors open and the bride walks in. For others, they want the moment together before the ceremony so they can have some time together without being rushed. Both are beautiful, both have their place on a wedding day, but the choice is ultimately up to you.
What are the Pros to Having a First Look?
There are a few reasons having a first look might be your choice. First, from my experience as a wedding photographer, I’ve noticed so many more nerves leading up to the ceremony if you don’t see each other. If you don’t see each other, your anxiety might be higher. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it is something to be aware of. Even if you don’t think you will be nervous, it’s possible that the nerves will creep in, or that your partner will be nervous even if you aren’t.
Second, you have more control over your timeline if you see each other before the ceremony. You can take pictures before the ceremony, giving you more flexibility and freedom to go off site for some more pictures, or even to attend your cocktail hour with your guests if you choose. If wait, you will need to take all your pictures after, which is not a huge deal as long as you are okay with spending more time away from your guests after the ceremony.
Third, you have the ability to take your time, admire your partner, and just be together before you make the biggest commitment of your lives. You can choose to have a moment in silence, pray together, and just breathe.
What Does it Look like if you Wait?
If you choose to wait until the Mass begins to see each other, the moment is just as magical. Grooms show more emotion, brides float down the aisle, and it’s a significant moment that you will remember from your wedding day. The emotions I’ve witnessed between couples who waited to see each other are priceless.
I should note that if you do choose to wait, you will need to take pictures after your Mass has ended so generally you will not be able to do any sort of receiving line after Mass as you will need to get right back to the front of the Church for pictures. Why? Because receiving lines take at least 45 minutes. 45 minutes is enough time for your Grandparents to disappear or any children involved to get cranky. You want to take the pictures as soon as you can so that everyone you want pictures with is still there and happy.
Is a First Look Staged?
Yes and no. It is a conversation you should have with your own photographer to see how they handle first looks because everyone is different, and some are more staged than others. Here is how I personally handle a first look with my clients.
1. I find a spot that will work well for the first look based on your preference. Usually, it works best to do the first look at the Church. I will find a spot that works for both of us. Some couples want to do their first look in the Sancuary. Other couples want to have a nice outdoor backdrop. Both are valid options.
2. I set the groom up and give him directions. The directions are basically: don’t turn around until your bride tells you to, and turn over a specific shoulder so I can photograph your reaction.
3. I lead the bride up behind the groom, and I give her directions. Tap the groom’s shoulder, say his name, do whatever feels natural to you to have him turn around.
4. I remind them that this is their moment and take their time, then I just let the moment happen. My timelines are never rushed, and they can take 5 minutes together alone if they want to. I take my picture of the initial reactions, and then I gracefully see myself out. I can come back to get you in five minutes, or you can come find me when you are done, whichever you prefer. I always like to give you the opportunity and option to have some quiet time and pray together alone if you would like to.
Who is present for a First Look?
In short, whoever you would like to be present. I know families (Parents in particular), like to try to be present for the moment. However, this is your moment, not theirs. Some people don’t care who is present. Some people want to have a private first look moment with just their photographer. Communicate your expectations clearly to both your photographer and your family members to have a better chance at what you desire. As your photographer, I don’t mind asking family members to leave if you want your moment to be private.
Another alternative is some couples opt for a first look completely alone, even without the photographer. That is a completely valid option as well that gives you a moment just the two of you before the craziness of the day kicks in.
Are there Alternatives to a First Look?
Yes! There are a couple of options that could potentially be in place of a first look. First, you could opt for a “First Touch”. This is a great alternative to a first look if you still want to be able to pray together and talk before the Mass begins. With the help of others, you are placed in a position where you can reach around a wall or a piller and hold hands without actually seeing each other. Just like a first look, you can communicate who you want around, if anyone, and you can control where you want to do it, whether inside the church or outside. From my experience, couples who don’t want to do a first look and opt for a first touch instead have less nerves that couples who don’t interact at all before the Mass begins.
If you don’t want to interact physically at all prior to Mass, the best other alternative I’ve seen to help decrease nerves is writing each other a letter the night before or morning of your wedding and then having your bridesmaids or groomsmen deliver them to each other. Sneaking away to the chapel or another room alone to read the letter from your partner can help still give you that moment of calm before the chaos of the rest of the day begins.
Which Option Should You Go With?
Ultimately, the choice of whether you want to see each other or not is yours to make. No photographer should guilt you into choosing one over another, and with good time management should be able to accommodate anything that you choose. You have to ask yourself what option brings you the most peace. Remember that you are here to receive a Sacrament, and not put on a show.
